On consent for sexual assault

Oct 12 2016 Published by under everyday sexism, personal posts

I just RT'ed this tweet. And as I did that, for a split second there was a voice in my head that said: "but that one time when a boy in high school grabbed your breasts you were drunk." "And that other time when a stranger kissed you on the mouth out of nowhere you were by yourself and wearing a skirt." "And when you're in a club it's nearly normal that guys grab you when you walk by."

Why am I making up excuses for the men who did this? When was I taught that being drunk or wearing a short skirt are consent for sexual assault? Because obviously they are not.

I guess this is how that works: when you hear those kind of excuses often enough you start to think it is normal that these things happen. And even worse: you almost start to believe that your actions cause these things to happen. Which in itself is already #notokay.

3 responses so far

  • Jim Woodgett says:

    Victim-blaming and false normalization. This is all part of tolerance of sexual violence. #neverokay

  • chall says:

    I wonder since it is so prevalent, we all just think it's normal. I mean, most my girlfriends (if not everyone) has had at least one groping man on them. And not all have been drunk groping either [perpetrator being drunk].

    At some point I thought there was some research showing that a few numbers of "multiple offender" men are responsible for a huge quota of the assults/grabbings. (Like a few guys at a college who make the rounds and serial offend.) I mean, I do know quite a few men who hasn't done anything so there are "regular" people out there who understand that this is not an acceptable behaviour.

    I just know that the man who took it upon himself to slide his hand under my skirt and touch me between my legs the first time I was at a bar (he was sitting at a table, I was standing with my back towards him and didn't have a clue this could happen) made it impossible for me to wear a skirt going into a bar or going out for a long time.

  • David says:

    So I'm really naive to this (as a man). A few years ago i went to a club with a female aquantance and after less than 10 minutes she wanted to leave because several men grabbed her butt. I actuality didn't believe her (because of other things that night) but agreed to leave because she was clearly uncomfortable and I'm not completely a bad person. Since then, I've kept my eyes open and can't believe the number of times I see men grab women. I'm still floored that somehow men think this is ok. I wonder what else am I completely oblivious to.

    Can we hope that the publicity of Trump's actions/thoughts will help show the inappropriate men that these actions are wrong?

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