On setting boundaries and saying no

Oct 17 2018 Published by under life in the office, personal posts

For a long time in my life, I looked at other people for guidance about my own boundaries: I thought that if they could do something, I should be able to do that same thing. If they worked for 50 hours, then so should I. If they partied until 3am, then I should also be able to do that.

It has only recently dawned on me that everyone has their own boundaries. And it is weird that it has taken me so long to consciously realize this, because as someone who tends to get migraines, partying until 3am often meant the next day in bed with a migraine for me, while the others would happily go about their day.

And that was the other realization: that I usually only felt a boundary when I hit the proverbial wall, for example in the form of a migraine attack. But I also think that all the crying at work that I have done meant that I only felt a boundary when I really hit it and tension had built up so much that the only way out was crying.

So I'm trying to be more conscious of where I am in relation to the wall, as opposed to only noticing it once I'm hitting it. And one of the steps I took this morning was to block TWO WHOLE WEEKS in my calendar before the end of the year to finish a task that I need to finish. I know that if I don't do this, more urgent stuff will come up. So when I cycled to work this morning I found myself wishing that I could just take a vacation to finish this task, and it occurred to me that I can actually do that. Now let's see how good I'm going to be at keeping those two weeks free to work on that task....

2 responses so far

  • ConnieOI says:

    I had a task that I'd been putting off for months, and finally set a date (a week) to deal with it. My boss even suggested that I work from home that whole week. And it worked!!! I got the majority of the job done in about 3 days, then used the other two to do some tidying-up and to deal with a few other 'urgent' things that had come up.

    Really, though, why couldn't I have just split those 24 hours (3 targeted days) out into the previous 6 months when I knew it needed to be done? Well, I suppose because it hadn't got close enough to the wire...

    I have been working hard on simplifying my life so that I don't end up over stressed and hitting the wall in whatever way it happens. I've focused on this in my home life but I think I need to be better about doing it in my work life!

    • babyattachmode says:

      Good to hear that my strategy might work! I will report back in December whether it also worked for me :-).
      I also try to simplify stuff but I find it hard to find a good balance between having enough exciting things to keep me engaged and entertained and having enough downtime.... not sure I’ll ever figure that out completely!

Leave a Reply