2015 – In Baby Attach Mode

Twelve months of InBabyAttachMode (2015)

babyattachmode December 31, 2015 blogging

Just like last year, here’s my end of year post (just in time!) with the first post of every month.

January: Happy 2015 everyone! I hope this will be a great year full of whatever you want it to be full of!

February: In my homecountry, only 16% of the full professors are female.

March: First, go read the long discussion happening over at drugmonkey about how the current funding situation affects early career scientists and current grad students and post-docs the most.

April: When reviewing somebody else’s paper for a journal, I found myself thinking:”hey, my paper just got rejected with a similar response to the reviewers! Perhaps I should reject this paper too!”.

May: As DrugMonkey already talked about: a well-known neuroscientist doing non-human primate research has announced that he will stop using monkeys but will switch to rodents instead.

June: This morning, I was happy to discover this new website from 4 Dutch female full professors: Athena’s angels.

July: The reason it is so quiet here (last post over a month ago I just realized) is that I was soloparenting for a week when husband was away to a conference and immediately afterwards we went on vacation for 2 weeks.

August: This week is World Breastfeeding week and this year’s theme is combining breastfeeding and work, so I decided to repost this post from May 2012.

September: A couple years ago I was applying for personal fellowships to return to the homecountry and work in a PI’s lab in order to set up my own group within their bigger lab (which is how things usually go in the homecountry).

October: In a continent where 67% of Europeans don’t believe that women possess the skills to be in high-level scientific positions, it is nice that the Dutch scientific organization (NWO) organizes a talent day for female scientists.

November: In academia, the year is clearly dictated by what needs to happen for students: teaching, exams, grading.

December: I just noticed it’s been a month since I last posted here, which is mostly because it’s busy here.

Baby vs. work: sometimes you have to choose.

babyattachmode December 23, 2015 Academia / attachment parenting / cultural differences / Decisions / life in the lab / parenting / postdoc / role models / science / women in science / work-life balance

Yesterday, my anonymous friend wrote a guest post about bringing her baby to work and how – for now – this works very well for both of them. On twitter, @crazygradmama said the following:

@BabyAttachMode It doesn’t work as well when your baby is colicky. 🙁

— crazy grad mama (@crazygradmama) December 22, 2015

which I wholeheartedly agreed with. Obviously, not every baby is the same and then we’re not even talking about babies with disabilities or illnesses that make it much harder and more intense to care for them. I’m not sure BlueEyes was officially colicky, but he pretty early on was able to make known what his preferences were. He liked to be worn, but only if the person wearing him kept moving when he was awake. Only if he slept, that person could sit down, and he usually only napped for 30-40 minutes at a time, in a pretty unpredictable manner. He did not like to spend much time by himself in a playpen or something like that. He did not like to sit in his carseat and he did not like to be held by unfamiliar people.

In addition, it took quite some time for me to get used to my role as a mother and merge my scientist/professional-me with my mother-me (there’s a post brewing about this, but it’s not quite done yet). Especially in the beginning this made it kind of uncomfortable to bring my baby to work or to a conference because it felt really weird to be those two roles at the same time. Also, being able to focus on work and a baby on the crappy amount of sleep I was getting seemed a bit much for my already foggy postpartum brain.

With Little Brother, working during my maternity leave was easier. He was a bit less intense than BlueEyes in making known what he wanted and I was a bit better at going with the flow. At home, I put my laptop high enough that I could stand and work, so I could bounce him while wearing him and type at the same time. I took him to work every now and then just to check in at the lab, but we were also moving when he was four months old, so it wasn’t that crucial to find a long-term solution of bringing him to work.

With BlueEyes, we were incredibly fortunate that when I had to go back to work three months after he was born, he went to the daycare at our university, where the teacher:baby ratio was 1:2.5. They assigned a particular teacher for each baby, so the babies were mostly cared for by one familiar person. We were fortunate to get a scholarship, because otherwise it would have been difficult to pay for this daycare on two post-doc salaries (and impossible on just one).

Little Brother went to daycare after we moved back to the homecountry, where the teacher:baby ratio was higher, and the amount of different teachers during the week was larger. He really only started to get comfortable there after he was a year old and could walk and start to talk. Before that, on some days he would sleep for 6 hours and barely drink anything (which he caught up on at night). When I was a post-doc, I felt that I should keep working to keep up, and that is also what the amount of maternity leave in most countries suggests. I’m also not sure if I would even want to be home full-time (and I realize that for many, this is financially not an option to even consider). For me, the ideal situation would be somewhere in between: work a couple hours a day, but also be able to be with your baby during the first year.

In the end, I think it is very valuable to share these stories, so that we can learn from each other. I’d like to hear how academics from countries with much longer parental leave have experienced their first year with a baby. Do you actually stop working, and do you think it is harder to get back? Share your experience in the comments or email me if you want to guest post!

Guest post: Baby vs. work – why choose?

babyattachmode December 22, 2015 Academia / Decisions / life in the lab / parenting / postdoc / publishing papers / science / women in science / work-life balance

This is a guest post from a friend who would like to remain anonymous. She is a bioinformatics post-doc and a single mom by choice, and this is her story about combining work as a post-doc with being a parent.

I am incredibly lucky.

Let’s put that first, because I’m very aware that this is the case: not only do I get paid for doing what I love, but every day I get to bring my infant son with me, too. My boss is OK with it, the department is happy to tolerate my son’s occasional shrieks echoing through the hallway, and my office mate is completely in love with him. (I totally understand that last one, by the way.) Also, I’m not working in the lab at the moment, so there is no risk of spilling acid on my brand new baby. All of this means that I don’t have to choose between work and family: I get to do both, and whichever part insists the loudest gets most of the attention at any given time. I know that not everyone has this option; I am thankful that I do.

Here’s how the logistics work out: I have a playpen in my office, where he spends most of the time gurgling and attacking his mobile while I do low-level work; assembling figures, processing images. When he nurses, I read. In fact, I feel I get a lot more mileage out of my reading time now, as there is very little incentive to multi-task. And when he naps, I get to focus properly, and code or write. (He won’t nap in the playpen, only on me — but it turns out I am perfectly able to code with a three-month-old on my chest, drooling on my shoulder and snoring in my ear.)

That’s not to say that our arrangement does not lead to the occasional conflict. When I am trying to figure out something difficult, and he’s fussy or crying — or simply wanting my attention. Fortunately there is almost always a colleague who doesn’t mind taking a baby for 10 minutes (I never realized how much work could be accomplished in 10 minutes of baby-free time! Take note, ye childless!) while I finish whatever needs doing, so I can then focus on my child.

Also surprisingly doable, I found, are meetings and seminars — provided people are aware that I am there with a baby, and OK with it (or at least not too vocal in their disapproval). Carrying him in a sling usually means he falls asleep, and if he gets fussy I can walk around a bit to calm him down. He’ll never be completely quiet, but really he’s no more disruptive than a random audience member with a cough.

In fact, the biggest barrier to success in that case is me: I once snuck in a seminar after it had already started, with my son sleeping in the sling. Sleeping babies, I found out at that moment, are actually quite noisy, and his occasional squeals made some people turn around to check the source of the sound. That — not the noise itself — made me so self-conscious I spent all my time worrying about being disruptive and trying to shush a sleeping baby.

(Yeah. That makes no sense to me, either.)

Then a few weeks later, I joined a seminar at a university I was briefly visiting. My host quickly pointed out to their colleagues that “we have a very young scientist in the audience!”, everyone smiled, and the speaker started. This time, no one was annoyed at the intermittent baby noises — they already knew he was there, and I knew they knew, so I could relax, too. My host had opened the door so I could walk in and out in case he started to cry. This worked well for me (I could actually focus on the talk!), and while I didn’t poll the audience afterwards, I would guess it worked for them, too.

No, I am not as productive as I used to be and as I would be without him. But low-level productivity is productivity still. For example, when he was 10 days old, I submitted a paper. It took me two days, assembling all the documents and filling out forms in between feeds, diaper changes, and many, many cuddles. I typed the cover letter with one hand (which was not that bad, as my brain was about as slow as my typing at that stage). Nevertheless, at the end of these two days I could tick it off my list. Point here: there is a lot of downtime in taking care of an infant, and you might as well use it. That is not to say you shouldn’t use it for Netflix or naps — I did a lot of that, too — but think of it as an IKEA workday: some assembly required.

I know his is not going to go on forever: in a few short months he’ll be mobile (I both dread and look forward to that time), which will most likely throw a wrench in the works. But I’ll worry about that later: this is precious time in a baby’s life, so every day I get to spend and bond with him is valuable. For now, this is what works for us. And I feel very lucky indeed that it does.

On going to a conference alone

babyattachmode December 17, 2015 Academia / advice / Decisions / meeting / mentoring / networking / role models / science / women in science

On twitter, @Dr24hours asked the following question:

I have a very promising student graduating in May w BSc/MSc. She wrote poster abstract. I have $3K. Should I send her alone to conference?

— Dr24hours (@Dr24hours) December 16, 2015

When I think about going to a conference by myself, I think mostly about my fear not being able to find people to hang out with. I think about how a conference can feel a bit like starting in a new school or going to college first: I’m afraid of being the only person who has nobody to eat lunch with. It really depends on the conference you go to whether this becomes reality. And actually, most of the times other people are by themselves too and I end up meeting really nice and interesting people. However, it is much easier at conferences that are set up to stimulate interaction, for example by automatically sharing meals together. At other conferences it can be much more difficult, for example if all other people seem to already know each other and hang out in seemingly difficult to break into groups.

When going to a conference with your PI (but without other peers), it really depends how willing your PI is to introduce you to other people, either their peers or your peers. If you PI is doing that, it is really helpful to go with them, but if they run off to hang with their friends, it might be even more awkward than if you just go by yourself.

Even though I’ve become much more confident going to meetings by myself, now that I am in a new job going to different conferences than the ones where I started to know many other people, the feeling is still a bit the same. And actually, one of the conferences I went to last year, with many non-scientists attending, was almost worse in terms of not being able to find people to hang out with than when I was an undergrad. Other people attending this conference seemed to all come in groups that were seemingly not that interested in networking, so I ended up talking mostly to the other people from my company.

To come back to @Dr24hours’ question: he also seemed concerned that his student would be more vulnerable going to a conference alone because she is a woman. I had not even considered this option, perhaps because I have been lucky enough not to experience harassment at a conference. Or should I say: not to experience harassment other than I experience in daily life? Which is why the same rules apply that my mom taught me, like: don’t go somewhere if nobody knows where you are, don’t hang out with people that don’t feel right, don’t make yourself extra vulnerable by drinking too much for example and leave when you feel uncomfortable.

What are your biggest concerns when going to a conference alone?

Random bits of busy

babyattachmode December 9, 2015 life in the office / parenting / role models / science / women in science

I just noticed it’s been a month since I last posted here, which is mostly because it’s busy here. Like I wrote before, I have this whole list of things that need to be finished before the end of the year because those are my targets. And really they need to be finished now because higher-up people need to put those things on longer lists to show the even higher-up people what we have been doing all year.

In the meantime on the internet, IBM did a poor attempt at drawing girls/women (?) into science and technology with the #HackAHairDryer hashtag. I agree fully with what @wandsci said on twitter about this:

I don’t think we need more initiatives to get girls interested in STEM. I think we need initiatives to stop pushing girls away from STEM.

— Wandering Scientist (@wandsci) December 7, 2015

And this:

Another thing to do: correct kids when they say science/math/computers are for boys. Correct them every single time.

— Wandering Scientist (@wandsci) December 7, 2015

I do this. Every time BlueEyes says:”this is for boys and that is for girls” I correct him and tell him anyone can be this or that. So for now, I have this awesome NASA video that we watched ad nauseam when BlueEyes had a space shuttle period, that shows men and women astronauts in a space station.

A day in my life

babyattachmode November 9, 2015 blogging / grant writing / industry / life in the office / meeting / parenting / science / work-life balance

Recently, The New PI asked what people outside academia do in a random work day. That random day is today, Monday November 9th.

As you know, I left academia a bit over a year ago and I now work as an R&D scientist in a company. To keep it kind of vague because of trying to stay somewhat pseudonymous here, I’ll only disclose that my company makes stuff for patients and that we do preclinical and clinical studies to see if that stuff does something for the patients.

6:00 am: husband wakes me up after a night in which Little Brother was up a couple times and husband took him to the living room around 5ish but let me sleep for a bit longer. I make breakfast while husband showers and then all four of us have breakfast together. Then I shower while husband makes lunch for himself, BlueEyes and me (Little Brother gets lunch at daycare) and around 7:15 am Little Brother and I leave the house to cycle to daycare and work (husband brings BlueEyes to school which only starts at 8:30).

8:00 am: I arrive at work after dropping Little Brother off at daycare. I search for a spot in our open office, chat with colleagues and read my emails. I had already opened my email Sunday evening to see how much I could expect but now take the time to properly read them and respond. Then coffee with colleagues.

9:00 am: We are working on a big grant (yup, EU likes to fund public-private partnerships, so lots of grant writing still even outside academia) and I’m trying to decide what I can do before we have a meeting about this grant that I am chairing. I also need to prep for this meeting.

9:15 am: Unexpected fire drill. We all leave the building and go to the meeting spot outside. I chat with a colleague I had never met about what kind of work she does, which is interesting. Then I chat with our preclinical manager about an experiment I’m planning with a CRO and what I need to do for that. So not entirely wasted this fire drill time.

10:00 am: Meeting about the grant. Writing the grant precipitated some decisions about what direction to go, which still needs to be aligned with the marketing and regulatory people. This kind of stuff really distracts from the actual writing, which also needs to happen. Also, we have not yet heard from everyone in the consortium yet, even though we plan to have a first draft ready by the end of the week. Yikes, stressful.

11:00 am: Coffee with my manager who couldn’t attend the meeting about the grant to update them. Again more about the larger decisions and why we had not made those earlier than about the grant.

11:30 am: Back at my desk staring at the grant. Typed a little section, tried to call one of the consortium members but left a message on their voicemail.

12:00: lunch with colleagues, chatting about a conference someone had just been and what they had seen there. Joking about how close the field is to a cure (not..).

12:30: back at my desk, more emails (about the experiment with the CRO) and prepping for a group of MSc students that are coming to visit the company later in the day.

1:00 pm: some more grant writing. Okay and some procrastination on twitter. And some panic about whether or not the experiment with the CRO is going to happen. The money needs to come from this year’s budget so if I can’t make it happen before the end of the year it won’t happen at all.

2:00 pm: give a talk to the students together with another colleague about what our company does, how we got these jobs and what kind of work we do now. It’s a really nice and interactive group of students who ask a ton of question. Then we give them a tour around our (new and pretty amazing looking) building.

4:00 pm: the students have just left and I briefly chat with a colleague. Then I look at the grant and try to figure out what I can still do while tired from the students visiting. I write a short boring section that still needed to be done.

4:45 pm: I check the weather forecast (rain for the next hour) and leave to pick Little Brother up from daycare. I am lucky today that husband worked from home and picked up BlueEyes, because normally I cycle first to the daycare (that is close to work) and then to the after school care (that is close to home) and then home. Husband has also already cooked so we eat together at 6:00 pm.

6:45 pm: we start the whole bath, toothbrush, read a story routine that lasts until 7:30 pm (which is a good day :-)..).

7:30 pm: answer a couple emails, write this blog post and then it’s time to watch Walking Dead with husband (only in season 2, so no spoilers please!).

“Wow, you can take criticism with a poker face!”

babyattachmode November 4, 2015 Academia / industry / life in the office / meeting / postdoc / science

In the category “things I did not realize I had learned in academia”: to take criticism or difficult questions and maintain a straight face, thank the giver of the criticism for their comments and suggestions and process it later. Hence the comment I received earlier today, which I will take as a compliment.

The yearly cycle

babyattachmode November 1, 2015 industry / life in the office / science / work-life balance

In academia, the year is clearly dictated by what needs to happen for students: teaching, exams, grading. Although for most grad students and postdocs the most noticeable thing is how busy it is in the lab (depending on whether you’re in Europe, where in vacations it’s peacefully quiet in the lab while in the US there might be summer students joining the lab.

Before joining a company, I hadn’t realized how different the yearly cycle is here. This was my first whole year here and this is what I learned: Here, in the beginning of the year people set objectives/targets/goals/whatever you call them for themselves (in agreement with their manager of course). And the targets of a whole team make up the target of the team leader, the targets of all the team leaders make up the targets of the boss of all the teams and that way everyone is connected to each other. The targets need to be met by the end of the year and if you do more (either the defined ‘stretches’ or additional stuff that comes up during the year) you get a higher bonus.

In reality, all sorts of ad hoc tasks and things that have not been defined as targets come up during the year. Obviously progress is monitored during the whole year, but I discovered this year that I find it hard to say no to things that seem fun to do or useful for me or the company (or both – best case scenario), like new experiments, new collaborations, guest lectures and what not. However those things distract from finishing your actual targets, which in reality means that the next couple weeks will be filled with finishing things before the end of the year in order to meet all the expectations. So if you’re wondering why things are quiet around here, it’s because I need to type all the things before Christmas!

What is the busiest time of the year for you?

On #womeninscience and footwear

babyattachmode October 11, 2015 Academia / role models / science / women in science

In a continent where 67% of Europeans don’t believe that women possess the skills to be in high-level scientific positions, it is nice that the Dutch scientific organization (NWO) organizes a talent day for female scientists. What is sad about it, is that they call it “Pump your career“*. What is wrong with that, you might ask. Well, by focusing on uncomfortable footwear for women, it focuses on appearance. And by focusing on appearance, you essentially disempower women and take away the focus from their ability to do awesome science.

Interestingly, NWO isn’t the only one in this country who thinks women are attracted to things if you show them pictures of shoes. In yesterday’s newspaper I spotted this ad for a women-only fellowship at the technical university in Delft):

* Ah, a kind of sexist play on words when talking to females with regards to science, where have we heard that before (hint: the UK’s recent “Pretty curious” campaign to attract girls to STEM)

Exploring all the options

babyattachmode September 30, 2015 Decisions / industry / life in the office

When I was in academia there was more or less one path: from grad student to post-doc to getting your own group and eventually becoming a tenured professor. Now that I’m a scientist in industry, there’s what feels like an infinite number of options and where I am it’s really encouraged to figure out what your path will be and to take steps to advance on your path. When work was kind of quiet over the summer, I realized that I missed knowing what my ultimate goal would be. I missed that star on the horizon that I could look at to keep me going when things get tough (which in my case is when things get boring I discovered). But what is my ultimate goal? I can picture myself in a number of different jobs and I’m talking to people now and then to find out what their jobs actually entail (revelation: project leader sounds cool, but in reality means keeping track of budgets and all sorts of other bureaucracy). I recently saw the image below being shared and I think this is what I need to figure out: what do I like, what am I good at and what does my company need? What I don’t know yet is how you’re supposed to find these things out about yourself… to be continued.